Method Jokes / Recent Jokes

Logic is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Statistics is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion with 95% confidence.

This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us may find it rather humorous.

Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)

Mouse Balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be harder and larger than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending on the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist off method. Mouse Balls are usually not static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon more...

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing what they do with donations to their respective religious organizations.
The minister says that he draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands in the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands outside the circle, he keeps.
The priest uses a similar method. He draws the circle, but whatever lands outside the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands inside, he keeps.
The rabbi has a slightly different method of dividing the money. He throws all the money up in the air. Whatever God wants, he keeps.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American are captured by a cannibals.
The chief says to them, "I have bad news and good news for you. The bad news is, now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, and eat you. Then, we will use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is, you get to choose your own method of dying."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, he says, "Vive la France!" and drives himself through.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol. Pointing it at his head, he says, "God save the Queen!" and shoots himself.
The American says, "Give me a fork." Puzzled, the chief shrugs and hands him a fork. The American takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over his body. There's blood gushing out everywhere and it's a horrible sight.
Appalled, the chief asks, "What are you more...

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreo's:

1.The whole thing at once
2.One bite at a time
3.Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards
4.In little feverous nibbles
5.Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...)
6.Twisted apart, the creme inside, then the cookie
7.Twisted apart, the creme inside, and toss the cookie
8.Just the cookie, not the creme inside
9.I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.
***

Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks. If you are diving and are approached by a shark they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it in the nose as hard as possible. "If this doesn't work, beat the shark with your stump."

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.
"Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the more...