Manner Jokes / Recent Jokes

For years I badgered my mother with questions about whether Santa Claus is a
real person or not. Her answer was always, "Well, you asked for the
presents, and they came, didn't they?" I finally understood the full meaning
of her reply when I heard the definition of a virtual device: "A software or
hardware entity which responds to commands in a manner indistinguishable
from the real device."
Mother was telling me that Santa Claus is a virtual person (simulated by
loving parents) who responds to requests from children in a manner
indistinguishable from the real saint.
Mother also taught the IF...THEN...ELSE structure, "If it's snowing, then
put your boots on before you go to school; otherwise just wear your shoes."
Mother explained the difference between batch and transaction processing,
"We'll wash the white clothes when we get enough of them to make a load, but
we'll wash these socks out right now more...

(I hope these aren't too offensive. Perhaps they should be encrypted?)
(1) A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly
considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another
person belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set
of imputed stereotypical mannerisms. The first person acted in
a manner consistent with the stereotypes associated with his ethnic
group, and proceeded to make a remark which might be considered
to establish conclusively his membership in that group, whereupon his
companion proceeded to make a remark with a double meaning, the first
meaning of which could be interpreted to indicate his agreement with
his companion, but the other meaning of which serves to corroborate his
membership in his particular ethnic group. The first person took
offense at his remark, and reacted in a stereotypical way!
(2) Q: How many people belonging to a certain ethnic group does more...

1) A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another person belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set of imputed stereotypical mannerisms. The first person acted in a manner consistent
with the stereotypes associated with his ethnic group, and proceeded to make a remark which might be considered to establish conclusively his membership in that group, whereupon his companion proceeded to make a remark with a double meaning, the first meaning of which could be
interpreted to indicate his agreement with his companion, but the other meaning of which serves to corroborate his membership in his particular ethnic group. The first person took offense at his remark, and reacted in a stereotypical way!
(2) Q: How many people belonging to a certain ethnic group does it take to perform a particular menial activity?
A: A finite positive integer. One to perform the activity, and the rest more...

If a dog bites a man, they say, it is not news, but if a man bites a dog it certainly is. Well, yesterday this incident actually happened at the Pettah bus stand, Colombo. A man bit a dog. And this is how the different sections of the Sri Lankan press reported the event.

DAILY NEWS:
UNP THUG BITES A DOG
Yesterday, an innocent dog was bitten in front of a large crowd at the Pettah bus stand, by a man, who was later identified as a supporter of the opposition leader, Mr. Ranil Wickremasinghe. Daily News learns that the dog received only minor injuries but following the immediate intervention of the President HE Chandrika Bandaranaike Kumaratunge, he was admitted to the intensive care unit of the Colombo General Hospital Canine ward. In a statement, President also condemned the attack and questioned how long the Opposition leader intends to maintain silence on the inhumanity and cruelty of his supporters over innocent animals.? We should take this act very seriously. more...