Loan Jokes / Recent Jokes

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Authority) loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

The lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note more...

The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?""Take jewellery to city and sell it," was the response."What have you got for collateral?""Don't know collateral.""Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan.Have you got any vehicles?""Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?""Yes, I have a horse.""How old is it?""Don't know, has no teeth."Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off."What are you going to do with the rest of that money?""Put in tepee.""Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked."Don't know deposit.""You more...

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $6, 000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the banks underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him 6, 000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the banks doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $6, 000 in principal, and $18. 40 in interest." The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away. "Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow? The man smiled. "Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for t wo weeks and pay only $18. 40?"

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce."
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest", the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $20.30 in Interest", the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $20.30?

An Indian walks into a bank in New York City and asks
for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on
business for two
weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need
some form of security
for
the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a
new Ferrari parked
on
the street in front of the bank. He produces the title
and everything checks
out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan.

The bank`s president and its officers all enjoy a good
laugh at the Indian
for using a $250, 000 Ferrari as collateral against a
$5, 000 loan. An
employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the
bank`s underground
garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5, 000
and the interest,
which comes to $15. 41. The loan officer says, more...

A friend of mine redid the recent analogy of Cow Economics:
SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government nationalizes both cows but still allows you to sell milk.
COMMUNISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you spoiled milk.
FASCISM - You have two cows. The government takes one away and presses it into military service.
NAZISM - You have two cows. The government takes one away and shoots it for having a large nose and dark spots.
TRIBALISM - You have two cows. Your neighbors take both cows and shoot you.
REDISTRIBUTIONISM - You have two cows. Everyone should have the same amount of cow. The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.
WELFAREISM (REDISTRIBUTIONISM REVISITED) - You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone else who doesn't know how to milk it.
BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows. The government takes both, loses one while more...