Loan Jokes / Recent Jokes

A distinguished-looking man entered a Geneva bank and inquired
about taking out a loan for 1000 Swiss francs.
"What security can you offer?" the banker asked.
"My Rolls-Royce is parked out front," he said. "I will be away
for a few weeks. Here are the keys."
A month later, the man returned to the bank and paid off the loan,
1017 francs with interest.
"Pardon me for asking," the banker said, "but why a one-thousand
franc loan for a man of your obvious means?"
"Very simple," he replied. "Where else can you store a Rolls for
a month for seventeen francs?"

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral.
The title to the property dated back
to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral proper back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.
"Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 more...

Santa applied for a loan of Rs 10,00,000.
The banker pulled out the loan application, "What have you got for collateral?"
"What's collateral?"
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicle?"
"Yes, a Tata Sumo."
The banker shook his head, "Any fixed assets, like land, house, building or...?"
"Yes, I have five acres of land, and a small farm house."
Finally, the banker decided to make the loan. Several weeks later, Santa was back in the bank.
He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said.
He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.
"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"
"Don't know."
"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.
"Don't know deposit."
"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to more...

Joe and Mabel are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Mabel, I've been wondering," Joe says, "have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Joe, why would you ask such a question now?" Mabel replies. "You really don't want to ask that question... "
"Yes, Mabel, I really want to know. Please," insists Joe.
"Well, all right, dear. Yes, three times," Mabel confesses.
"Three times? When were they?" asks Joe.
"Well, dear, remember when you were 30 and wanted to start your own business and no bank would give you a loan?" Mabel says. "Remember how the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Mabel, you did that for me! I respect you more than ever, to do such a thing for me," Joe says. "So, when was number 2?"
"Well, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were seriously in need more...

On his way to JFK to fly to Zurich, a businessman stopped off at a bank in
downtown NYC and asked for an immediate loan of $5, 000. The loan officer
squinted, needing collateral. "Here, take the keys to my Rolls," the man
offered. The loan was promptly issued, and the car was secured in the
bank's underground parking area for safekeeping.
Two weeks later, the man returned to settle up his loan and reclaim his
Rolls. "That will be $5, 000 in principal plus $15. 40 in interest," the
loan officer reported. The man wrote out a check and started to walk
away.
"Please, sir," the loan officer interjected, "while you were gone, I found
out that you are a multimillionaire. Why in the world would you need to
borrow $5, 000?"
The man smiled. "Where else in Manhattan could I find secured parking for
two weeks for only $15. 40?"

An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for
two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian
produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees
to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Italian returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to more...

This one older lady, not quite up on the ins and outs of banks, was surprised to receive a notice demanding payment on her loan. She called the loan officer & said, "I can't return your money. I'm not finished with it yet."

Explaining their policy on not cashing checks for people who don't have accounts with their bank, the teller said, "Why if he didn't have an account here, I wouldn't cash a check for my own brother." The irate customer replied, "Well... you know your family a lot better than I."

While the US stock market is at an all time high, the ups and downs frighten a lot of small investors like me. I went to my financial advisor at the bank and asked if he was worried. He replied that he slept like a baby. I was amazed and asked, "Really? ?? Even with all the fluctuations? " He said, "Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours."