Liquor Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?] Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block more...

    At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear:' My dad owns a liquor store.'

    (This is a joke for you and a friend. Tell your friend that everytime you ask a question to answer with "Ketchup and liquor")
    You: What did you have for breakfast?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
    You: What did you have for lunch?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
    You: What did you have for dinner?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
    You: You see a hott girl walking down the street. What do you do?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.

    Whenever I say something you say:
    ketchup and liquor

    What did you have for breakfast?
    ketchup and liquor

    What did you have for lunch?
    ketchup and liquor

    What did you have for dinner?
    ketchup and liquor

    What do you do when you see a woman?
    ketchup and liquor (catch up and lick her)

    • Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
    • Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.
    • Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
    • Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
    • Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
    • Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes more...

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