Light Jokes / Recent Jokes

# Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
# Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
# Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.
# Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
# Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert more...

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe; as it happens, in Transylvania.

They're driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It's late, and raining very hard. Bob can barely see 10 feet in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her head bleeding.

Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and more...

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A: Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A: Pharaoh's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A: Ruth-less.Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A: Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A: David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A: Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson; he brought the house down.Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A: In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, more...

Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: They don't. They only use acoustic light bulbs.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to roll it, and one to light it up.

Cesium (All through the Night)
(Tune, Fever)
(1)
Never know how much I need you,
Never know how much I'd dare,
When I mix you up with water,
I get a heat that's hard to bear.
I need my Cesium!
Burnin' brightly,
Cesium to give me light.
Cesium -
In the morning,
Cesium all through the night.
(2)
Sun lights up the daytime.
Moon lights up the night.
Cesium lights up heaven above,
With a brilliant sky-blue light.
I need my Cesium!
Burnin' hotly.
Cesium shinin' so bright.
Cesium -
In the morning,
Cesium to make me feel right.
(Coda)
Everybody,
Needs some Cesium,
Cesium to give 'em that glow.
Cesium -
Add some water,
Get a fire hot as down below!
(3)
Romeo, he had Cesium,
Cool water Juliette.
When they mixed it up together,
Things got as hot as they can get!
They needed Cesium!
Flamin' madly.
Cesium burnin' so blue.
Cesium -
Shared more...