Jumps Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo Mama is so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please." The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog more...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were convicted of a crime and sent to jail. Then they decide to escape, the brunette jumps up on the wall and then jumps in the bushes on the other side. The guards poke their heads around the door to see what the noise was so the brunette says, "meow meow." The guards say, "Don't worry it was just a cat." So then the redhead has to go, she gets up on the wall and jumps off into the bushes. Once again the guards come out and see what the trouble was and the redhead says, "meow meow." The guards say, "oh never mind, just another cat..." So then its the blonde's turn, so she gets up on the wall and jumps off, and into the bushes. And the guards come out once again to see what all the noise is, so the blonde says, "Don't Worry, its just Another Cat!!"

Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. "Set up everybody in the place!" he shouts. The bartender obliges.
Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy's pocket, runs down the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guy's pocket.
The Bartender asks what's going on. The guy just reaches back into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says "just set everybody up again." Bartender obliges once more, suspiciously watching the guy.
Once more the little man appears from the guy's shirt pocket. Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitches the napkins into the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again. This time the guy buttons the pocket.
Bartender says "explain yourself, or leave."
Guy says "Well....I was walking down the beach one day, and ran across a bottle in the more...

An old lady in a nursing home is speeding up and down the hall in a wheelchair, making noises like she is driving a car.

As she is going down the hall, and old man jumps out of his room and says. "Excuse me ma'am, you are speeding. Can I see your drivers license?"

She digs around in her pocketbook and pulls out a candy wrapper. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

Up and down the hall she speeds again. The same man jumps out of his rooms and says, "Excuse me ma'am, but you crossed over the white line. Can I see your registration?" She digs through her pocketbook again and she pulls out an old receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

She zooms off. Up and down the hall, weaving in and out. This time, the same man jumps out of his room. He is stark naked and has an erection!

The old lady in the wheelchair looked up at him and said, more...

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse. Just before he rode off, I yelled out,"What was all that about?"He replied,"Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."

Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. "Set up everybody in the place!" he shouts. The bartender obliges.Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy's pocket, runs down the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guy's pocket.The Bartender asks what's going on. The guy just reaches back into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says "just set everybody up again." Bartender obliges once more, suspiciously watching the guy.Once more the little man appears from the guy's shirt pocket. Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitches the napkins into the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again. This time the guy buttons the pocket.Bartender says "explain yourself, or leave."Guy says "Well....I was walking down the beach one day, and ran across a bottle in the sand. Turns out there is a more...