Jumps Jokes / Recent Jokes

Theres this bar out on a mountain and the only way to get to it is a bridge that leads right up to the door. There is one window and the ground in 1500 ft. down all around the bar.
There are two guys sitting at the bar and one of them says to the other one
"Hey. I bet you $50 that I can jump out of that window and walk right back through the door in 2 seconds without falling to my death"
The other guy says
"Your crazy! But hey! Its your funeral."
So the guy puts the $50 on the bar, walks over to the window, jumps out and walks right back through the door just like he said.
The other guy amazed (and drunk of his ass)says
"Well if you can do it I sure as hell can do it"
So he slaps $50 on the table, walks over to the window, jumps out and plummets to his death.
The guy who won the bet turns to bartender and tells him to poor him a drink and the bartender says
"Damn, you can be a real ass when your drunk more...

What might've happened: Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the more...

Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for theevening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go atit. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat theperformance. The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. Whenfinished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes adeep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumpsback into bed with the hooker and starts again. The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. Duringthe fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes adeep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed... and finds fourChinese men.

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a
blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato."C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!""No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde."No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket more...

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the
evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at
it.

When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window,
takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side,
jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the
performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When
finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a
deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps
back into bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During
the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.

So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a
deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed... and finds four
Chinese men.

Chinese Goer A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.
When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the performance.
The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.
The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.
So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed... and finds four Chinese men.