Hopped Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit. They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature. The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh i know."So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what lookeda bottle. She poured it on the rabit and they bothgot in the car. Suddenly the rabit got up hopped alittle bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved. Then dissapered over it. The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour onthat rabit?"His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."

A radio station routinely paid money for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. Here was one of the winners:
I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologists when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already.
The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I'm sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in "that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room only a few more...

There was this guy who had been to about every bar in town. So one night, he hopped into a taxi cab and told the driver to take him to the best bar in town. The cabby took him to a bar, where he got half-drunk. He hopped into the same cab and said that the bar wasn't good enough -- take him to another one. The cabby took him to another bar, where the guy had the time of his life.
The next morning, this guy was in yet another bar telling his buddy what a good time he had the night before, but he couldn't remember where he was. All he could remember was a red door and a golden toilet
seat.
"Man, we gotta find this place," said his buddy.
So the two spent half the day searching for a bar with a red door until they found one. They walked in, and the guy asked the bartender, "Was I here last night and too drunk to tell? All I remember is a red door and a golden toilet seat."
The bartender hollered to the back, "HEY, FRED. HERE'S THAT SON OF more...

One day a horse and a chicken were playing in the meadow. In the middle of the meadow there was a mud hole. While wildly running around, the horse fell into the mud hole and became stuck. He spied the chicken near by and called for help. Hey, chicken, I'm stuck in the mud hole. Go to the farmer's house for help!' yelled the horse. The chicken took off and ran to the farm house, but the farmer was not home. The chicken saw the farmer's Mercedes in the driveway and decided to drive it out to the meadow to save the horse.
The chicken grabbed a coil of rope, hopped into the Mercedes and drove out to the meadow. Once there, he tied one end of the rope to the Mercedes and tossed the other end to the horse. The chicken hopped back in the Mercedes and pulled the horse from the mud. The horse was very grateful. He said, 'Thanks chicken, if you ever need anything you can count on me.' The chicken replied, 'No problem, Horse,' and both went on their separate ways.
A few weeks later, the more...

Has someone told you a joke that you find isn't very funny? Do the following and it should be much more interesting:1) Eat nothing but candy for the next two days. Chocolate and marshmallows work best.
2) Take a caffeine pill every 4-6 hours. Do not swallow with water, use pink lemonade.
3) Search the internet for pictures of penguins, monkeys, platypuses, or other amusing animals.
4) Make a recording of several coffee grinders on at once.
5) After being hopped up on sugar and cocaine, lock yourself in a bright room and play your tape of coffee grinders. Start this at noon.
6) At 7:00 the next morning (Don't fall asleep!) Have someone repeat the joke that you found to not be funny. Also, make them dress up like the amusing animal you found pictures of.
7)Now, you should be so tired and so hopped up on sugar and caffeine that your friend's joke will be funny. Heck, this joke might even me funny!:-)

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a more...

Once there was this guy, and he was driving in his car, and all of a sudden, he sees the Easter Bunny hopping on the road. Well, he was going too fast, and he didn't hit the brakes in time, so he hit the Easter Bunny. He was really upset, and was thinking, "Oh no, what about all those poor little kids?? What can I do!?" Then, a blonde drove up in her car, and asked, "What's wrong?" "I hit the Easter Bunny!!" said the guy. "Oh, I know what to do," said the blonde, and she went into her car, got a can, and sprayed the Easter Bunny with it. A few minutes later, the Easter Bunny got up, hopped a little bit, turned around and waved, hopped a little, turned around and waved, and it kept doing that. When the Easter Bunny was out of sight, the guy turned to the blonde and asked, "Wow, I'm dying to know what was in that can!!" "Oh," said the blonde, "It was hair spray. It says,' Spray on dead hair for permanent wave.'"