Hole Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day Joe's boat sank. A few days later a kindly old woman saw Joe, and mistaking him for John. Said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible"

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat, said "Fact is, I'm sort of glad to get rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front, too. Every time I used her the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time for the weekend. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow and were willing to pay. The fools all tried to get in her at the same time and split her right down the more...

One day a priest and a nun went golfing.
The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy put. He shouted, "Damn, missed again."
The nun, shocked, warned him "God will get you for that."
The next hole the same thing occurred. After the priest screamed "Damn It! Missed again" the nun repeated her warning "God will get you for that!"
On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun could repeat her warning, A bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck the nun dead.
A deep voice from the clouds boomed out "Damn It! Missed again!".

Deciding to go ice fishing, a drunk gathers his gear and walks around until he finds a large patch of ice. Heading into the center of it, he begins to saw a hole when he suddenly hears a booming voice coming out of the sky, "You will not find fish under that ice," the voice says.
Looking around and seeing no one, he begins sawing again. Again the voice speaks, "I said, there are no fish under that ice!"
Looking all around and still not seeing anyone, he once more picks up the saw and just as he's about to continue working on the hole the huge voice interrupts, "This is your third warning. There are no fish under that ice!"
Now frightened, he asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?" "No," the voice replies. "Well, who are you then?" he asks the voice.
"I am the manager of this hockey rink!"

One day a priest and a nun went golfing.
The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy
put. He shouted, "Damn, missed again."
The nun, shocked, warned him "God will get you for that."
The next hole the same thing occurred. After the preist screamed "God Damn
It! Missed again" the nun repeated her
warning "God will get you for that!"
On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun
could repeat her warning, a bolt of lightning came down from the heavens
and struck the nun dead.
A deep voice from the clouds boomed out "God Damn It! Missed again!".

Dumbo: Standing In The Field During The Rain With An Umbrella Having A Hole In It. Morron: Why Are You Standing With An Umbrella With A Hole In It?
Dumbo: So That I Can Know That The Rain Has Stopped.

One day a priest and a nun went golfing.The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy put. He shouted, "Damn, missed again."The nun, shocked, warned him "God will get you for that."The next hole the same thing occurred. After the priest screamed "Damn It! Missed again" the nun repeated her warning "God will get you for that!"On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun could repeat her warning, A bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck the nun dead.A deep voice from the clouds boomed out "Damn It! Missed again!".

There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.
Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy.
Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!"