Hitchhiker Jokes

Q: What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
A: Hop in.

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a monkey on the dashboard.
After a few miles, he asks the driver what the monkey is for.
The driver says "I'll show you," and with that he hits the monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature rolling across the dash.
The monkey goes down between the drivers legs, unzips his pants, pulls out his unit and proceeds to give the trucker oral gratification.
When finished, the monkey pulls out a tissue, cleans the driver up, puts everything back and jumps back up on the dashboard.
"See that?" said the trucker.
The man said, "Yeah."
The trucker ask the man, "You want to try it?"
The man said, "OK, but don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey!"

Sam, a business man was driving home after long sales trip and saw a hitchhiker with a cow. Sam finally stopped and the hitchhiker approached the window and said, "Will you give me a ride to Denver Sir?"
Sam was amazed and said, "I do not mind, but you will have to leave your cow here."
"No Sir," the hitchhiker said. "I will just tie her to the back of the car, and I promise you sir, she will not slow you down. I Promise."
The business man was reluctant, but he was dying for company, so he agreed. The hitchhiker was elated and tied the cow to the back bumper.
They started out and Sam took the car up to 10 miles per hour, he looked in the mirror and the cow seemed to be trotting along. 20 mph, 30 mph, 40 mph, did not phase the cow. The hitchhiker looked over to Sam and assured him that the cow would be fine, not to worry.
Sam took the car up to 55 mph and still the cow was looking very comfortable. Now Sam was getting a little more...

There was an Irishman who always wanted a Rolls Royce, fortunately he won the lottery and he decided to buy one with all this money. So he decided to go and have a drive in his new car, he was driving along the motorway and suddenly he saw a Hitchhiker, he pulled over and let the Hitchhiker get in. Half way through the journey the Hitchhiker pulled a gun out on the Irishman, he told him to get out the car, so the Irishman did. The Hitchhiker drew a circle on the floor with a piece of chalk and said
"Stand there at all times". So the Irishman did, the Hitchhiker pulled out a baseball bat and started hitting the car with it, the Irishman laughed and giggled, the Hitchhiker asked why he was laughing, complete silence. Then the Hitchhiker got angry so he started to smash the windows, the Irishman laughed and giggled again, the Hitchiker asked why he was laughing, complete silence again. This time the Hitchhiker got really angry and blew the car up, the Irishman laughed his more...

A hitchhiker was standing by the roadside near the law school with his thumb out. A motorist stopped and asked, "Are you a lawyer?" "No," the hitchhiker replied. The motorist drove off.
A few minutes later, a second motorist stopped and asked, "Are you a lawyer?" The hitchhiker again replied that he wasn't, so the second motorist drove off.
Finally a third motorist stopped and this time the driver was a voluptuous redhead. "Hi, are you a lawyer?" she asked. After telling her that he was, she told him to get in and off they drove.
After sitting and admiring the driver for a few minutes, the hitchhiker thought to himself, "This is incredible. I've only been a lawyer for five minutes and already I'm thinking about screwing someone!"