Hilary Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Coffee maker
    [My thanks to Hilary for the following]
    Maurice and Becky are arguing over who should brew the coffee each morning.
    Becky says, "As you get up first in the morning, Maurice, you should make it. Then we won`t have to wait too long for our coffee."
    "But you’re in charge of all the cooking," replies Maurice, "that’s your job, so you should make it. And if I have to wait for my coffee in the morning, well, I don`t mind."
    "But it says in the bible that the man should make the coffee," says Becky
    "OK, responds Maurice, "if you can show me where it says that, I’ll never question you again."
    Next day, Becky borrows a bible from her neighbour and shows Maurice that on the top of several pages it indeed says ‘Hebrews’.

    Q: What does Hilary Clinton do every morning after she washes and shaves her pussy?
    A: Puts a tie on him and sends him to work.

    Janet Reno and Hilary Clinton were engaging in typical girl talk. Hilary told Janet how lucky she was not having men make unwanted advances towards her, and that she never knew where Bill's pecker was the night before. Janet Reno remarked that just because she wasn't beautiful didn't mean that men didn't make passes at her.
    So Hillary asked Janet how she warded off these unwanted sexual advances and Janet told her that whenever a man made an unwanted pass at her, she mustered up the loudest, stinkiest fart she could, and that it worked every time.
    Hilary thought this was a great idea and decided to use it the next time Bill got frisky.
    That night, Bill was in bed before Hilary. As soon as she slipped between the covers, Bill rolled over and Hilary knew he wanted some action. She had been saving her farts all day and let out the loudest, crudest fart she could.
    Bill got up on one elbow and said, "Janet, that you?"

    Hilary is not feeling well. She goes to her doctor and gets a complete physical, only to find out that she is pregnant. She is furious and can't believe this has happened.
    She calls the White House and gets Bill on the phone, and immediately begins to berate him, screaming:
    "How could you have let this happen? With all of the trouble going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!!! How could you???!!!
    I just found out I am pregnant and it is your fault!!! How could you??? What have you got to say???"
    There is nothing but silence on the phone. She screams again: "CAN YOU HEAR ME???
    Bill's quiet voice comes on in a barely audible whisper..."Who is this???"

    The first ladies of UK, Japan and France were having a meeting with Lady Hilary Clinton. The subject of discussion was the penis of their respective spouse. The first lady of UK says, "It is like a gentle man- it stands up, as soon as I enter the room" The lady from Japan says, "It is like an army officer- you do not know where he will attack from- front or back.." The French lady says, "It is like the screen in the auditorium- once the act is performed, it drops down..." Then Hilary says, "It's like a rumor... it moves from one mouth to another..."

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