Heaven Jokes / Recent Jokes
A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the senator."Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven." "I'm sorry but we have our rules," replies St. Peter.And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. Nearby are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is in evening attire and very happy to see him. They run to more...
Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselvesstanding before the pearly gates of Heaven, where StPeter and the Devil were standing nearby." Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact thatHeaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed tolimit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone ofyou can ask me a question which I don't know or cannotanswer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell." The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the mostcomprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snapof his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct." Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, thephilsopher disappeared. The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicatedformula you more...
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office is?" The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of blocks and turn to your right." The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I`m the new pastor in town, and I`d like for you to come to church on Sunday. I`ll show you how to get to Heaven." The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don`t even know the way to the post office!"
Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the
same day.
Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while
Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized
the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't
swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in
Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven.
The next day the paperwork got straighted out. On his way up to
Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked the Pope "How was your
night in Hell?"
"Very educational." responded the Pope. "I've learned a lot from the
experience, but now I'm glad I'm going to heaven. I've been waiting all my
life to meet the Virgin Mary."
"Sorry," said Clinton, "You should have been there yesterday"
The Doctor, The Famer and the H.M.O. executive die and are met at the Pearly gates of Heaven by St. Peter.
St. Peter tells the Doctor, "you took care of the sick and dying while on earth, you are welcome to enter Heaven".
St. Peter then speaks to the Farmer and tells him, "while on earth you nourished and fed the people, you are welcome to enter Heaven".
Then St. Peter looks over at the H.M.O. Executive and says, "you can come in for three days".
Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day. Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven.The next day the paperwork got straighted out. On his way up to Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked the Pope "How was your night in Hell?""Very educational." responded the Pope. "I've learned a lot from the experience, but now I'm glad I'm going to heaven. I've been waiting all my life to meet the Virgin Mary.""Sorry," said Clinton, "You should have been there yesterday."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."