Grant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walking down the beach, sees a old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to amuse himself. After a while he picks it up, and a pissed off genie emerges. She says "normally I grant 3 wishes, but in your case, you son of a bitch, I am going to grant only 1". He thinks a minute and says - "OK, I want to wake up with 3 women in my bed". She says "So be it!", and disappears back into the bottle. Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hilary Clinton. He has no penis, a broken leg, and no health insurance!

Bill Gates and Hugh Grant met at a hollywood party. While they were chatting, Bill said, "Hugh, I saw some terrific pictures of Devine Brown recently. I sure wouldn't mind getting together with her."
"Well, Bill," replied Hugh, "she's charging a small fortune now. Ever since our incident, her price has really skyrocketed."
With a sly grin, Bill replied, "Money certainly isn't an object to me. What's her number?" Hugh
gave Bill Devine's phone number so Bill called and set up a date.
Bill met with Devine and after they had finished, he lay there in sheer ecstasy and mumbled
"Wow, now I understand why you chose the name Devine."
"Thanks, Bill," replied Devine, "unfortunately, now I understand why you chose the name Microsoft!"

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when the give me the silent treatment, more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Grant!
Grant who!
Grantstand! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Grant!
Grant who!
Grant you a wish, what is it!

Dennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it up...suddenly a female genie appears from the bottle.
"Master, I may grant you one wish." says the genie with a smile.
"Hey, Bitch... don't you know who I am... I don't need no woman give me nuttin!" barks Rodman.
The genie pleads..."But Master I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever."
Dennis thinks a moment... then grumbling about the inconvenience of it all... he says "Ok, ok... I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning. So just do it!" (giving the genie an evil glare) "Now leave me alone!" he screams.
So the annoyed genie says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle.
Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken, and he has no health insurance.

Dennis Rodman picked up a bottle he found on the beach and suddenly a genie appeared.
"Master," said the genie, "I may grant you one wish."
"Hey, listen bitch," Rodman yells, "don't you know who I am? I don't need no dumbass woman givin' me nuttin'."
"But Master, I must grant you one wish or I shall be returned to the bottle forever," the genie pleaded.
Dennis thought for a brief moment, then grumbled, "Okay, fine... I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning."
Angry and hurt by his ungrateful attitude, the genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared back into the bottle.
The next morning Dennis woke up with Tonya Harding, Lorena Bobbitt and Hillary Clinton. His leg was broken, his penis was gone and he had no health insurance.

While the Pope was in St. Louis he decided to grant absolution to three sinners. The first person to come up was Richard Nixon.
The Pope asked, "What is your sin?"
"I hired people to break into the Watergate hotel."
The Pope replied, "Kneel down. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."
Next in line was Bill Clinton. "What was your sin, son?"
"I cheated on my wife." The Philanderer in Chief replied.
"Kneel down, my son. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."
A third person came up and the Pope asked, "What is your name?"
"Monica Lewinsky." The Pope stroked his chin. "Hmmmm... Perhaps you should remain standing."