Glasses Jokes / Recent Jokes

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows."51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center more...

Santa goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair
of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, but isn`t fully
convinced.
The store assistant comes along and closes the deal.
On his way home, Santa puts on his new x-ray glasses
and, bingo, he sees everyone in the street naked!
He takes them off for a moment,
and everyone has their clothes on.
Puts the glasses back on... everyone is naked! "Cool!"
As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new
toy to his wife but can`t find her.
He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and some
guy, naked in bed.
He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked.
He puts them back on, and they are still naked.
Santa gets disgusted and says, "Damn,
I just paid fifty-bucks for these,
and they`re already broken!"

Yo mamas glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

A South African, an Australian and an Englishman are all drinking in a bar. Suddenly, the South African downs the remainder of his drink, tosses his glass in the air, draws his pistol and shoots the glass.
"In South Africa our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same ones twice," he says proudly.
The Australian, who is obviously impressed by this, downs his drink, tosses his glass, draws his gun and shoots the glass.
"In Australia we've got so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink from the same ones twice," he says.
The Englishman pauses to give this some thought, then downs his drink, casually tosses his glass into the air, draws his gun, and shoots the South African and the Australian.
"In England we have so many South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice," he says.

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in comes four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices join in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table rupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the more...

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Doctor: You need new glasses. Monster: How did you guess? Doctor: I could tell the moment you walked through the window.