Girl Jokes / Recent Jokes

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a NY METS fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Met fans too.

Not really knowing what a METS fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a METS fan,"

Then, asks the teacher, what are you?"

"Why I'm proud to be a Yankees fan," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.

She asks Lucy why she is a Yankees fan. "Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankee fans, and I'm a Yankee fan too,"

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A more...

The teacher of a high school biology class had his students analyzing bacteria under the microscope. To show them the types of bacteria found in the human mouth, he had them take scrapings from between their own teeth and analyze these scrapings under the microscope.
One girl was stumped in identifying the bacteria she scraped from between her teeth.
The teacher took a look, stared disgustedly at the puzzled girl and said, "Those are sperm cells."

Height of Patience:
A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.
Height of Frustration:
A boxer trying to scratch his balls.
Height of Innocence:
A teenage girl applying Clearasil to her nipples.
Height of Laziness:
A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.
Height of Competition:
A guy peeing beside a waterfall.
Height of Sophistication:
Sucking nipples with a straw.
Height of Disgust:
While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.
Height of Technology:
A condom with a zip.
Height of Trouble:
A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his arse is itching.

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long." He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out." The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this ch eck out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and more...

This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village.

Once she's inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement.

After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light. His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her. She's really pleased to have met this guy.

At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his more...

On Christmas Eve, a young boy with light in his eyes
Looked deep into Santa's, to Santa's surprise
And said as he sat on Santa's broad knee,
"I want your secret. Tell it to me."
He leaned up and whispered in Santa's good ear
"How do you do it, year after year?"
"I want to know how, as you travel about,
Giving gifts here and there, you never run out.
How is it, Dear Santa, that in your pack of toys
You have plenty for all of the world's girls and boys?
Stays so full, never empties, as you make your way
around the whole world, The reindeer pulling your sleigh
From rooftop to rooftop, to homes large and small,
From nation to nation, reaching them all?"
And Santa smiled kindly and said to the boy,
"Don't ask me hard questions. Don't you want a toy?"
But the child shook his head, and Santa could see
That he needed the answer. "Now listen to me,"
He told that small boy more...

I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents'
house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a
non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays.
I thought my mother and by date would hit it off like partridges
and pear trees.

So, I was wrong.

Sue me.

I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the
invitation. "I know these family things can be a little weird," I
told her, "but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun
on Christmas Eve."

"Sounds fine to me," Karen said.

I had only known by mother for 31 years when I told her I'd be
bringing Karen with me. "She's a very nice girl and she's really
looking forward to meeting all of you."

"Sounds fine to me," my mother said.

And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me's.
What more...