Fifteen Jokes / Recent Jokes

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from Heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. i'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes." said the angel, winking knowingly.

Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll dump on its head."

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy." I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Dear God," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady more...

Submitted by Darcy

Blonde enters a store that sell curtains.

She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed her several patterns, but the blond seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains she needed.

The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have curtains!"

Blondie says, "Hellllooooooooo........ I've got Windows!"

Santa enters a store that sell curtains.
He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.
Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"
Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo... I've got Windows!"

A man has a very horny parrot and is having a terrible time with it. Each time he reaches into the cage, the parrot humps his arm. When he invites his mother over for coffee, the parrot keeps saying foul things. Finally, he takes the parrot to the vet.
After examining the parrot extensively, the vet says, "You have a very horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine."
The man's parrot is listening and says, "Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for??"
Finally, the man says okay and hands over the fifteen dollars.
The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, and closes the curtain. Suddenly, "Kwah! Kwah! Kwah!" Feathers come flying out of the cage.
The vet exclaims, "Oh, my gosh," runs across the room and opens the curtain.
The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage and is pulling out all her feathers. more...

(Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. "Jazus Mick...Well have to turn back...none of the equipment is working!." Mick says to Paddy; "No Problem...Sure I can tell where we are by sticking my hand out the Window! "OK!" says Paddy, "Where are we then?"Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; "Well Paddy, I reckon were over the Bay of Biscay. The humidity seems to be gone out of the air. This is caused by the seawater. Just Head North""Brilliant!" replies Paddy, and precedes north bound. Fifteen Minutes later Paddy asks: " Where are we now Mick?"Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; " Were over the English Channel now. The more...

A man walks to work every day. On his way there he always passes the local insane asylum.

Well, one day when he was walking by the asylum. He heard all the patients on the other side of the tall wood fence chanting "Fifteen, Fifteen". He became very curious but had no way of knowing what was going on.

The chanting became louder "Fifteen, Fifteen, Fifteen", and his curiosity became stronger. What were they doing? His imagination went wild.... were they torturing fifteen people, were they counting something he did not want to know about? He could not stand the suspense.

He finally saw a little knot whole in the fence, just big enough to look through. He walked up to it cautiously and ducked down to look in it.

All the sudden he got pocked in the eye with someone's finger. The chanting changed to "Sixteen, Sixteen, Sixteen".