Farm Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in thebull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling — what should I do?'' "In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush.""So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep In the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the more...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently "widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he more...

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing.Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull." And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Rush Limbaugh and his driver are cruising down a country road one day in the limo. Suddenly, out of no where, a pig rushes in front of the car. The driver can't stop in time or swerve and he hits the pig, killing it instantly.

They see a farm house just ahead on the side of the road and assume that the pig belongs to the farmer who lives there. Rush says,' Pull up there and go in and tell them that you have run over their pig. Be careful that you don't get them upset. You know how they feel about their animals.'

The driver does as he is told, stopping in front of the farm house and going up to the door. He knocks on the door and is admitted inside.

Three hours later, the driver finally comes out with a smile and a wave to the farmer and his family. Rush says to the driver as he gets in,' What the hell happened to you? You've been gone for six hours!'

'Well,' the driver says,' I went in and told them. The farmer ushered me to a chair and more...

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep more...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's van and
headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible
blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to
myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will
talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for
the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, they got on their way and enjoyed a great
weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took
him a few minutes to figure it out, more...