Exercise Jokes / Recent Jokes

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

The company has discontinued all physical fitness programs since everyone gets enough exercise by:-

jumping to conclusions,
flying off the handle,
beating around the bush,
running down the boss,
going around in circles,
dragging their feet,
dodging responsibility,
passing the buck,
climbing the ladder,
wading through paperwork,
pulling strings,
shooting the breeze,
throwing their weight around,
stretching the truth,
bending the rules,
pushing their luck,
screwing around,
shuffling papers,
and playing hide and seek.

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but
there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each
day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the
following practice exercises, you will be totally
prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!
Exercise 1:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast
between the door and the main box. Have one of your
strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the
door for good measure. Hold that position for five
seconds (while you hold your breath).
Repeat again,
in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
Exercise 2:
go into your garage and when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and
repeat for the other breast.
Exercise more...

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally
prepared for the test.
And best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold
that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends over night. Strip to the waist. Invite a more...

Q. How do men exercise on the beach? A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

They told me at the blood bank that this might happen. This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to. I was working smarter - not harder. Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm! This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people! I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance. I'm in the management training program. I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP). I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend. This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work! I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga? No! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem. The coffee machine is broken... Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot. Boy, that more...

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home! Exercise 1Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn't effective enough.Exercise 2Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.Exercise 3Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a more...