Examination Jokes / Recent Jokes

Actual writings on hospital charts by Doctors:1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert butforgetful.8. The patient refused autopsy.9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.13. She is numb from her toes down.14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.15. The skin more...

An elderly couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together.

After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man "You appear to be in good health, do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

"In fact I do," said the man, "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

"This is very interesting," replied the doctor, "Let me do some research and get back to you."

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is more...

The doctor had just completed his examination of thegorgeous redhaired beauty." I would suggest to you, young lady," began the medic, as he regained som of his professional dignity,"that you discontinue some of your running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, andabove all you will have to start eating properly andgetting to bed early." Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why nothave dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that youhave the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9: 00!"

Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of "Yes/No" type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on.
Santa replies, "I`m rechecking my answers and I don`t think I did very good."

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."The man, finally more...

Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet yes for heads and no for tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on? Santa replies, “I’m rechecking my answers and I don’t think I did very good

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes for heads, and no for tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."