Everyday Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Muslim, A Madrasi and A Sardarji working in a company were really frustrated as everyday in their Tiffins the same things were packed. One day they decide that if the next day the same thing is there they would commit suicide. The next day when they open their tiffins they are depressed and the muslim jumps out the window and dies. same thing is done by the madrasi and the sardarji.
On the 13th day when their wives meet they discuss among themseleves why they did so.
The Muslim's wife says if he would have told me not to give mutton i would have prepared some thing else.
The madrasi says if once my hubby would have told me not to give idli i would have given him something else, why he had to commit suicide.
The Sardarji's wife was a bit confused and surprised. On asking about his husband she replies," I didn't understand why sardarji committed suicide, he used to prepare his own tiffin everyday"

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today. ”
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night? ”
“No, ” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole. ”
Once upon a time, there was a little old man that really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles everyday. One morning he looked in the mirror and was more...

Everyday Clinton goes jogging and everyday he passes the same hooker on the same corner and he yells out five bucks, and she says, no way.
so the next day he passes her and yells five bucks and she replies, no way.
Then the next day Hillary decides she wants to go jogging with him, so naturally Bill doesn't yell anything to the hooker but as they pass by the hooker yells out, "see that's what you get for five bucks!!!"

What do you call the everyday routines of rabbits? Rabbits habits.

Everyday I give thanks to God,
I have two mounds upon my bod.

I shave my legs,
sit down to pee,
I can justify any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon,
Can get a massage, without a hard-on.

Can balance the checkbook,
can pump my own gas,
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.

My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes,
it takes long,
At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles at any cost,
And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.

Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon,
Every time I have to go to the john.
I don't brag about the size of my "cup",
Hey, put the seat down,
' cause I won't leave it up!

I never forget an important date,
You just gotta deal,
I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies with lots of gore,
Don't need instant replay to remember the more...

To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday:
Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....
Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing more...

"Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive."