Education Jokes / Recent Jokes
one day sally was jumping on railroad tracks saying 21, 21, 21 then she sees a blonde and asks if she wants to jump with her and the blonde said sure so they are jumping and saying 21, 21, 21 and a train starts to come and sally jumps off and the blonde continues to jump the train kills her and then sally gets up and starts jumping again an is saying 22, 22, 22.
by Stephen R.
Miss Smith is a kindergarten teacher and today is her birthday. As she walked into her classroom one of her students, Sally, had brought a gift up to her desk.
"Guess what it is!" said Sally.
Knowing that Sally's father owned a bookstore she guessed, "A Book?".
"How did you know?" asked Sally.
Next Dillon brought a gift up to Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Dillon.
Knowing that Dillon's parents owned a florist shop, she guessed, "Flowers?".
"How did you know?" asked Dillon.
Finally, Joey brought up a gift for Miss Smith.
"Guess what it is!" said Joey.
Knowing that Joey's father owned a liquor store, and seeing that the bag was wet, she placed her fingers on the liquid and then licked them. "Rum?" guessed Miss Smith.
"No" said Joey.
She tasted again..."Vodka?" she more...
Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.)
College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates.
Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:
* Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas.
* Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, - - -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget more...
Walking through the playground, a teacher noticed one of her students making faces at the other children.
She stopped and gently reprimanded the child. "Billy, when I was a child I was told that if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that forever."
"Well, Ms Jones, you sure can't say you weren't warned!" replied Billy.
Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last two years,
and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I
am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I
think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people
2,000 years ago.
Yours truly, A Commuter Dear Sir: We received your letter with
reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are
somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation
2,000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, The Railroad Gentlemen:
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are
confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of
David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his
ass. That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on
your train in the last two years.
Your truly, A Commuter
Teacher: Jeff, have you been copying Johnny's test again?
Jeff: Yes, but how did you know?
Teacher: On question #1, Johnny put down "I don't know". And you put down "Me neither".
Rules To Live By...
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I cannot accept, And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.