Dry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Top Ten Things You Need To Know To Be A Nurse
10. If it's wet make it dry.

9. If it's dry make it wet.
8. Always ask for on-call pay before agreeing to overtime.
7. Never tell management what you are really thinking.
6. Never finish report with, "You have an easy assignment".
5. Never say. "This looks like a easy assignment".
4. Don't expect nurses aids to do their job.
3. Don't expect doctors to believe any thing you tell them.
2. If you don't have enough time to do everything, take about 30 minutes to complain about it.
1. If it moves, rattles, shakes, falls down, or won't stay in place: tape it.

What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings? A fish tank!

Unleash the Power of Shift!
Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A: Nope, they’re the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean “up”, as in “look up at the screen”. Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.

Q: What happens if I press both shift keys?
A: Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author’s Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139. 95. Or you might not, it’s your computer, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Q: My religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
A: more...

Once little Siripala was playing with sand in the garden, and his grandfather was watching him. Then suddenly he pulled out a worm from a tiny hole in the sand. The grandfather saw this and said, "I will give you ten rupees if you put the worm back to the hole". Siripala tried his best but the worm was not stiff enough to put into the hole. Then he brought a tin of varnish, and applied some on the worm, and left it for few minutes to dry. When the worm was dry, it became stiff, and then he easily put the worm into the hole. Siripala's grandfather said, "You did it boy! I'll give you your ten rupees tommorrow".
The next day the grandfather gave him twenty rupees. Siripala asked, "Why did you give me twenty?". Then the grandfather said, "Well; The extra ten rupees is from your grandmother, as an appreciation for your invention".

Monica needed to get one of her dresses cleaned so she takes it to the
dry cleaners. The man working there was an elderly man and was hard of
hearing.

Monica said,"I need this dress cleaned."

The man said, "Come again?"

Monica replied, "No, it's just mustard."

How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself? With a hare dryer!

Stray cats will not be fed.
Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.
Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.
Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.
Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
Stray cats will be permitted on furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114. 99 sisal rope scratching post with three perches.
Stray cats will sleep outside.
Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
Stray cats will sleep in the house, but not in our bed.
Stray cats will sleep in our bed, but not under the covers.
Stray cats will not more...