Drinks Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Gates dies and is up at the pearly gates.
St Peter: Well, you've got a choice. Have a look around here. Pop down to Hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check us out, and then let me know your decision.
Bill has a look around heaven. Lots's of somber people singing hymns, praising the Lord .
He goes down to Hell. There are beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, attractive women . Long cool drinks that never get you drunk. He loves it. He goes back to St Peter.
Gates: Look, I know you're really doing good things here, but Hell seems more with it. More my kind of scene, you know what I mean? No hard feelings, but I pick Hell.
St Peter: No worries. You've got it.
Bill finds himself back in Hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. He can't figure it out.
Gates: Hey! St Peter! Where are the beautiful girls and long beaches and cool drinks?
St Peter: Sorry if you got confused, That was just the beta version

A guy and his wife walked into a bar one day, the wife takes a seat and the guy goes up to the bar.
The barman goes over to the guy and asks him what he wants, the guy replies”, I’ll have a bottle of bud and an orange juice for the jackass”.
The barman looks at the guy puzzled but say’s nothing and gives the guy his drink. this happens twice more.
A couple of hours pass and the guy goes to the mens room and his wife goes up to the bar. This time she orders the drinks.
The barman gets the drinks and says, “it’s probably none of my business, but I think you should know that your husband has been referring to you as the jackass. I just had to tell you because I dont think it’s very fair for him to call you that”.
The woman turns to him and smiles and says…
“Oh, dont worry, it’s ok - heaw, heaw, he always calls me that”!

A guy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.
The guy drinks it fast. "Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy.
The guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly.
Again, the guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman replies, "Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?"
"I haven't got any money!"

A guy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.The guy drinks it fast. "Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!"The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy.The guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly.Again, the guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"The barman replies, "Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?""I haven't got any money!"

A Gorilla goes into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks. The barman thinks, "What would a gorilla know about drinks?" and charges him $20. The gorilla downs the drink and orders another.
The barman charges him the same price again. He thinks for a minute and then says to the gorilla 'You know we don't get many gorillas in here."
The gorilla looks at the barman and says,, "At these prices I don't bloody wonder."

A guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks, "Can I smell your Pussy?" The woman is outraged and answers with a stern, "Of course not!" The drunk man replies... "Oh, then it must be your feet."

Cover Charge: $15. 00Round of Drinks: $23. 00Table Dance: $30. 00Another Round of Drinks: $23. 00Couch Dance and Tips: $50. 00A Round of Shots: $34. 00Another Round of Drinks: $23. 00Lap Dance and Hand Job: $100. 00Private Dance and Hotel Room: $500. 00Sending her on her way without having to cuddle or listen to her:........... PRICELESS!