Digs Jokes

The story behind this joke:... There's this nutball who digs things out his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archeological finds. The really weird thing about these letters is that this guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Paleoanthropology DivisionSmithsonian Institute207 Pennsylvania AvenueWashington, DC 20078Dear Sir: Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. "Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu more...

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the center line back there." "Can I see your registration please?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel more...

A blonde female police officer stops a blonde female for speeding and says, "You were going pretty fast. I am going to have to ask to see your license."
The blonde motorist digs through her purse and then looks up at the officer, and says, "Can you tell me what it looks like?"
The officer replies, "It's rectangular and has your picture on it."
The blonde motorist digs through her purse some more and finds a small rectangular makeup mirror, looks at it and then hands it to the officer.
The officer looks at the mirror for a moment and says, "You can go. I didn't know you were a cop. "

Mabel has a habit of racing up and down the halls of the nursing home in her wheelchair, making sounds like she's driving a car.
One day, as she's racing down the hall, an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. May I see your driver's license, please."
Mabel digs around her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives Mabel a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross the center line back there. May I see your registration, please."
She digs around her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, issues her another warning and sends her on her way.
Off she zooms again, up and down the halls, weaving all over the place.
As she comes to the old man's room again, he jumps out, but this time he's stark more...

there are 3 people 1from china, 1 from america and 1 from india
and all three of them are trying to prove whos country was more scientifically developed.
(1)
The Chinese man takes the other two along with him to china and digs the ground 200 meteres he finds a phone cable and says >>my country had phones 200 years ago
(2)
The American man gets really frustrated and takes the other two to america, there he digs a hole 400 meteres deep and finds a telephone wire, he then says >we had phones 400 years ago.
(3)
The Indian then takes the other two to india and digs a hole 800 meteres deep but finds no wire at all he then says 800 years back we had mobile phones!!