Devil Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3`4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7` tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked more...
Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment. This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off. Bob, now more...
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all more...
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer.
"What do you do?" The lawyer replied.
"Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say' the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said' the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told,"First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - more...
There was a man who was throwing a party at his house when suddenly and unexpectedly the devil showed up.
All of the people at the party started running out of the house except for the one man who was throwing the party.
The devil asked the man, "Why aren't you running away like the rest of those fools?"
The ran replied, "Are you kidding? Why should I?
I've been married to your sister for 28 years!"
There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation. One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself."Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, weve never once had an accountant make it this far and were not really sure what to do with you.""No problem, just let me in." said the accountant. "Well, Id like to, but I have higher orders. What were going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in. " "Actually, I think Ive made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven" "Sorry, we have rules..."And more...