Devil Jokes / Recent Jokes

A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man.

When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren't you afraid of me, I'm evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!"

The man replied "You don't scare me, I've been married to your sister for 35 years".

The gate breaks down between heaven and hell. St. Peter comes to examine the damage, and then he calls the devil.' That darn gate broke again,' he says.' It's your turn to fix it.'

'Forget it,' says the devil.' My people are too busy.'

'But we had a deal,' says St. Peter,' and if you don't honor it, I'll have to sue you for breach of contract.'

The devil laughs.' Sure you will. And just where do you expect to find a lawyer?'

Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After rewieving his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking in. After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint Pete was furious." If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there." After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance. Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell. A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, more...

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks,

“What do they do here? ”

He was told, ” First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day. ”

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.


He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, “What do they do here? ”

He was told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the Indian devil comes in and beats more...

The Devil walks into a crowded bar. Within seconds the bar emptied with people running out screaming all over the place, all except for one old boy leant over the bar.
The Devil wanders across to the old boy and says “Do you know how I am? ”
The old man took another sip of his beer and answered “Yep”
The Devil stared at the old man and asked “Well aren’t you afraid? ”
The old boy looks the Devil up and down for a minute and shrugs “nah, I’ve been married to your sister for 40 years. Why the hell should I be scared of you? ”

The Devil tells a Hollywood Agent, "Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any agent alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest agent that ever lived."

"Well," says the agent, "what do I have to do in return?"

The Devil smiles, "Well, of course you have to give me your soul," he says, "but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children's children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity."

"Wait a minute," the agent says cautiously, "What's the catch?"

Mac died at the controls of a plane and went to pilot's hell, where he found a hideous devil and three doors. The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell rooms." He said, "I'll be right back don't go away," and he vanished. Sneaking over to the first door, Mac peeked in and saw a cockpit where the pilot was condemned to forever run through preflight checks. He slammed the door and peeked into the second. There, alarms rang and red lights flashed while a pilot had to avoid one emergency after another. Unable to imagine a worse fate Mac cautiously opened the third door. He was amazed to see many beautiful, scantily clad flight attendants answering to a captain's every whim. He quickly returned to his place seconds before the devil reappeared.

"Okay, Mac," said the devil, "Which door will it be, number 1 or number 2?" "Um, I want door number 3," answered Mac.

"Sorry," said the devil. more...