Cut Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella? Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

A young boy had justgotten his driving permit.
He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car.
His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut,
then we will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if
they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get a hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad,
I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair,
Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied,"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Aries

The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.

Taurus

The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...

Once Santa And Banta Bought 2 Horses. But They Were Very Confused. They Were Troubled Because They Could Not Recognise Their Horses. After Some Time Santa Hit Upon An Idea. He Said That He Would Cut The Tail Of His Horse. Banta Said O. K. But Banta Had The Disease Of Night Walking. He Got Up In Night And Cut The Tail Of His Own Horse Too. In The Morning Both Of Them Were Surprised To See That The Tail Of Bantas Horse Wetre Notthere. Then Tehy Were Agin Troubled. Thistime Santa Had The Idea To Cut The Legs Of His Horse. But That Idea Also Failed. Then Both Of Them Started Thinking Seriously. Then Banta Said That, "I Have An Idea". Santa Asked What. Then Banta Told Him That," I Will Take The Black Horse And You Will Take The White Horse

Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband's penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction." Shit," said the driver to his passenger. "What kind of bug was that?" "Dunno," he replied. "But did you see the size of the cock on it?!"

A blonde walks into a barber shop wearing a set of headphones. She sits down in the chair and says I need my hair cut.
The barber starts to cut the right side then stops. He says, “You need to take off your headphones. ”
Blonde: “I can’t, I’ll just die! ”
The barber cuts the right side and goes to the left side. He starts cutting then stops. He says, “You really have to take off your headphones. ”
Blonde: “I can’t, I’ll just die! ”
The barber cuts the left side and starts on the back. He starts cutting then stops again. He says, “Now, you REALLY have to take off your headphones! ”
Blonde: “I can’t, I’ll just die! ”
The barber starts cutting, but then stops. He leans over and grabs the blonde’s headphones and pulls them off. She chokes, then falls to the ground dead.
The barber picks up the headphones and listens. “Breathe In… Breathe Out… Breathe In… Breathe Out…”

A blonde walks into a barber shop one day and asks the man if she can get her hair cut. The man says "Well ma'am, I can't cut your hair with those head-phones on. You're going to have to take them off."

She shakes her head vigorously and replies "No, if I take them off, I will die." He put his hands on his hips and ripped them off of her head. She fell to the floor and died. He was extremely surprised and picked up the head-phones.

All he heard was "Breathe in, breathe out, breath in."