Council Jokes / Recent Jokes

The City Council in Sebastopol, CA. (USA), agreed to waive an $80 fee for a woman who owns two chickens. Her home is located in a commercial zone where chickens can reside with an $80 permit (which allows up to 16 chickens). The woman told the council that she's keeping the chickens in case a Y2K glitch causes a disruption in the food supply chain, since chickens don't need computers to lay eggs.
(San Gabriel Valley Tribune, West Covina, CA.)

Ron Price, a Dallas School Board member, asked the City Council to look into a law that would go after men who wore baggy pants and exposed their underwear. “It’s disgusting, disrespectful, and dishonorable”, said Price. Some Dallas residents may remember Price when he ran for City Council on the “You Crazy Kids, Get Off My Lawn” platform. Opponents to Price are calling the idea racist and targeting minorities, but most are just calling it a ‘complete waste of time’.
In other news, MC Hammer has canceled his trip to Dallas.

A young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. "Not guilty," the woman answered emphatically. The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: "Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed an act of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a union jack - on the roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100mph through the center of London, in a blizzard?" The woman composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said: "What was the date again?"

Editor's Note: This is kind of long, and actually considering it's an awful lot like many conversations I've had, not as funny as it might be. But, heck, enjoy it anyhow...

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PeaceNik: Why did you say we are we invading Iraq?

WarMonger: We are invading Iraq because it is in violation of security council resolution 1441. A country cannot be allowed to violate security council resolutions.

PN: But I thought many of our allies, including Israel, were in violation of more security council resolutions than Iraq.

WM: It's not just about UN resolutions. The main point is that Iraq could have weapons of mass destruction, and the first sign of a smoking gun could well be a mushroom cloud over NY.

PN: Mushroom cloud? But I thought the weapons inspectors said Iraq had no nuclear weapons.

WM: Yes, but biological and chemical weapons are the issue.

PN: But I thought Iraq did not have any long more...

In a recent survey, participants were asked: "Who made women?"
They asked a artist, and he said: "It would have to be anm artist. Look at how all those beautiful curves fit together, and how well rounded it looks. It is both pleasing to eye and the soul."
Fair enough, they thought, and went on to the engineer. "It must most certainly be an engineer", this man responded, "for it responds with unerring accuracy. Press this, that happens, do this, and you get this response."
Mmm, this is an even better answer, they decided, but, to keep the survey unbiased, they asked Little Johnie.
"It could only have been the goddamn City Council", was his reply.
"Huh? Why the City Council?"
"Only those stupid morons would put a carnival right next to a sewage outlet."

A young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. "Not guilty," the woman answered emphatically.

The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: "Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed an act of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a union jack - on the roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100mph through the center of London, in a blizzard?"

The woman composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said: "What was the date again?"

In the spirit of "all those who are not here please raise your hand", the following memo came across my screen yesterday. Thought I'd share.
P.S. identifying characteristics have been removed to protect the wet green slime that's threatening me... um, I mean the innocent.
Please let me know via e-mail if the Education Council minutes that I sent this morning were readable.
I have had a faculty member tell me that the message that he received was missing some of the text. If yours was missing some text, let me know and I will send it again.
Thanks.
Actually, mine WAS missing text. I didn't see anything at all about my generous pay raise or any expressions of remorse over the death of my pet slug Reginald.