Cord Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Polak wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor andstarted lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of theplane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that hehimself would jump out right behind him so that they would go downtogether. The Polak understood and was ready. The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. Theinstructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him. ThePolak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the airfor a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed byjumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but theparachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to gethis parachute open, darted past the Polak. The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to hisparachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

This person had a broken lamp which he wanted to discard. Unfortunately, the power cord ran under his refrigerator, making it impossible to move the lamp while the cord was attached. He decided to cut the cord, since the lamp was unusable anyway. He didn't remember to unplug it first. I found him in the hallway rolling back and forth.

Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee: Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Support: "What sort of trouble?" Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.", Support: "Went away?" Customer:"They disappeared." Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" Customer: "Nothing." Support: "Nothing?" Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" Customer: "How do I tell?" Support: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?" Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Support: more...

Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. "You kjnow, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, Insurance, etc. They travel to mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are construting the tower, a crwod begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give demonstration. So Al jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again Joe misses him. Al falls again and bounces back up.
This time he comes back up pretty messed up he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, more...

Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe, "you know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico." Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So Al jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces again and comes back up again. This time he is bruised and bleeding. Again Joe misses him. Al falls again and bounces back up. This time he comes back pretty messed up. He's got a couple of broken bones and is almost more...