Cop Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day two drunks are standing on the corner of a busy street. One of them is bent over and the other has his finger up the other drunks ass. A cop sees the two of them and runs over to stop what there doing.

"What the hell are you doing with your finger up his ass? yells the cop.

"I'm trying to make him puke!" says the drunk.

"Well, you won't make him puke by sticking your finger up his ass", the cop says.

"I will when I stick it in his mouth", says the drunk.

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject says that he did stop. The cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down. The gentleman said' Stop or slow down, what's the difference?. The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick and said, Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?

The ABSOLUTE WORST things to say to a police
officer:
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold
my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar
detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph
to keep up with me!. Good job!
5. I thought you had to be in relatively
good physical condition to
be a police officer.
6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to
finish high school instead.
7. Bad cop! No donut!
8. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire
confidence.
10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on
Cops?
11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the
picture on my girlfriend's night stand.
12. Is it true that people become cops
because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?
13. I pay your salary!
14. So, uh, you on the take, or what?
15. more...

Two men were driving through Georgia when they got pulled over by a State Trooper.

The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick.

The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.

"You're in Georgia, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in Georgia, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."

"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, he's clean and gives the guy his license back.

The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

"What"d you do that for?" the passenger more...

Stolen Car A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?" "Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally. About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being exhibited for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "OHHH GOD. . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"

Maya Angelou is working on getting poetry clubs started in several prisons.The program will be called Prose & Cons.

A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.

He says, "Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?"

Jenna replies, "No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?