Convent Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Two lil leprechauns went off to St Mary's convent and begged an audience with the mother superior. "well, how can I help you little folk?" asked the Mother Superior.
    The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked "Well, mother superior, would you be a knowing any midget nuns here at the convent?"
    "Afraid not," replies Mother Superior, "there are no midget nuns here"
    "all right then, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?"
    "Well, no," replied Mother Superior, "none that I know of."
    "Well then, in the whole world of nuns, would you know of any Midget nuns?"
    "No, I would'nt - there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!" said Mother Superior, "and would you please tell me what this is all about?"
    The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid leprechaun and said "well, I told you've been dating a more...

    There were two nuns...
    One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
    It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
    SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
    SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
    SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?
    SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
    SM: It's not working.
    SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
    SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
    SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
    So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
    Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister more...

    The abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the nearby city running errands
    downtown when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby,
    "Twenty bucks for a blowjob," at which point the passerby and the woman promptly
    went down the next alley, where they went out of view.
    The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another
    streetcorner in the city. He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman,
    much the same as the first, stated to another passerby, "Twenty bucks for a
    blowjob," at which point the two rapidly went into a nearby alley, where
    the abbot couldn't see what was going on. Still not knowing what a "blowjob"
    was, the abbot left the city as naive as he was upon entering it.
    Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blowjob was, so
    he went to see the mother superior at the adjacent convent. "Mother
    superior," he asked, "what's a more...

    A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day... when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $10 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a post in front of the convent.

    She couldn't get him off her mind and, thinking that he might be in financial difficulties, she took the $10 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written,' Don't despair, Sister Eulalia,' and threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street.

    The next day she was in her cell saying her beads when she was told that some man was at her door who insisted on seeing her.

    She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of more...

    A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?" he asked.
    "No, Father. Just a little gas," Sister Susan explained.
    A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?" he asked again.
    "Oh no, Father. Just a little gas," she replied again.
    A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, "Cute little fart."

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