Company Jokes / Recent Jokes

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR Person said, "Certainly,...but you started it."

The following is an actual letter of complaint which I grabbed off the
net many years ago (when it used to be called net.jokes, if you can
remember that long ago!) Unfortunately, I don't have the original
source anymore. Note the date sent and the prices quoted.
Atlanta, Georgia
September 13, 1970
Director
Billing Department
Shell Oil Company
P.O. Box XXXX
Tulsa, Oklahoma 74102
Dear Sir:
I have been a regular customer of the Shell Oil Company for several
years now, and spend approximately $40.00 per month on Shell products.
Until recently, I have been completely satisfied with the quality of
Shell products and with the service of Shell employees.
Included in my most recent statement from your department was a bill
for $12.00 for a tire which I purchased at the Lowell I. Reels Shell
station in McAdenville, N.C. I stopped at this station for gasoline
and to have a timing malfunction corrected. The gasoline cost more...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The candidate responded, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% salary, and a company car leased every two years - say a red Corvette?"
The graduate sat up mouth agape and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the HR person responded, "Certainly... but you started it!"

A guy got a credit card bill stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.

Next month he got another, did the same thing. The next month they sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his credit card if he didn't send them $0.00.

He called them, talked to them, they said it was "a glitch" and told him they'd take care of it.

The following month he tried to charge something and couldn't. He called the credit card company who again said they'd take care of it. The next day he got his bill for $0.00 stating that he was very delinquent.

The man figured the credit card company would take care of it, so he didn't worry. The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay or his account was going to collection.

He mailed the credit card company a check for $0.00, and the credit card company's computer processed it, noting that his account was now paid in full.

A more...

I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.' Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied,' I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?'' Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.' No, just this remote' thingy,'' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,' Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk.'

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Tech Support:' What does the screen say now.'

Person:' It says,' Hit ENTER when ready'.'

Tech Support:' Well?'

Person:' How do I know more...

The residents of Silicon Valley are more confused than usual after a billboard campaign by the National Multiple Sclerosis Society of America used this line in an ad slogan "MS, it's not a software company"... exploiting the fame of a certain company to draw attention to an altogether worthier cause.
Requests to comment on the campaign have been met by a surly silence by Microsoft, which doesn't relish the association of ideas but is painfully aware that it can't afford to appear insensitive over such an issue.
Seasoned information technology professionals will have no trouble telling the two MSs apart One is a debilitating and surprisingly widespread affliction that renders the sufferer barely able to perform the simplest task.
The other is a disease.
[Thanks to DZ]

An online poker company has had it’s assets frozen by the Governmentand now says they are going to sue. The government said, “We thinkyou’re bluffing.”