Citizens Jokes / Recent Jokes
America is a land where citizens vote for Democrats but hope to live like Republicans.
TO: Those in our society who criticize seniors in our society for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world. FROM: The Seniors MESSAGE: We take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others. BUT, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took: -The melody out of music, -The pride out of appearance, -The romance out of love, -The commitment out of marriage, -The responsibility out of parenthood, -The togetherness out of the family, -The learning out of education, -The service out of patriotism, -The Golden Rule from rulers, -The civility out of behavior, -The refinement out of language, -The dedication out of employment, -The prudence out of spending, or -The ambition out of achievement, -Prayers & Christmas out of the public schools -The acceptance of lying and deceit from presidents, -And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!! more...
Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session. Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. Signs are required to be written in English. You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words. No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. All citizens must own a rake. Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. One man may not be on another man's back. Can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday. It is illegal to carry a chicken by it's feet down Broadway on Sunday. Chicken must be eaten with the hands. It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind. Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck. No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark. Cars are not to more...
The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens."It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?""Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on top!"
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum.
'It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth', said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates,' It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone'.
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be' minimal'. The United States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be profitable by' Q4 1999 at latest', according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had' willingly and enthusiastically' accepted a position as a more...