Choose Jokes / Recent Jokes
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant`s life, she will choose to save the infant`s life without even considering if there is a man on base."
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A foolish husband says to his wife,
"Honey, you stick to the washin`, ironin`, cookin`, and scrubbin`. No wife of mine is gonna work."
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We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the `seniors` special` was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1. 99.
`Sounds good,` my wife said. `But I don`t want the eggs.`
`Then I`ll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you`re ordering a la carte,` the waitress warned her.
`You mean I`d have to pay for not taking the eggs?` my wife asked incredulously.
`YES!!` stated the waitress.
`I`ll take the special then.` my wife said.
`How do you want your eggs?` the waitress asked.
`Raw and in the shell,` my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON`T MESS WITH more...
That same sage points out that most women like to pick and choose when it comes to marriage. They choose their husband, then spend the rest of their life picking on him.
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the
store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch.. .. You may choose any man from a
particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back
down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband..
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, more...
Three men were hiking through the jungle. All of a sudden a tribe of natives surrounded them, kidnapped them and hauled them to their village. Bound, they were brought before the chief, and the entire village. The chief stood up and said: "you each have the choice death or bonja bonja, if you choose bonja, bonja you will live".
Man number one thought to himself well I don't want to die, I just got married. So he chose bonja, bonja. The chief smiled. The entire male half of the tribe ran up and bum rushed him. Man number one, although barely able to walk, surrvived.
Man number two, although horrified, thought to himself I can't die, I just won the lottery and have every opportunity in the world, and look man number one survived. So boldly he declared "I choose bonja, bonja!". Once again all the males ran up behind him and had their way. In tears man number two hobbled away, in pain but alive.
It is now man number three's turn, he is puking in complete more...
Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life.
HOW THE AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT STOLE CHRISTMAS
by Paul Edwards
' Twas a while before Christmas when Santa Claus said,
"Now the ADA's passed, I've a pain in my head.
It used to be easy to hire the elves
Who made all the toys and who stocked all the shelves.
Then the time came when the Congress did say
That I had to be careful about who I pay.
So I went and got Rudolph to pilot my sleigh.
He was racially different, so that was okay.
I used to hire men elves but that had to stop.
I had to let women elves into the shop.
Then Buddhists and Muslims and Croats and Jews
Became part of the mix from which I had to choose.
And just when it seemed I had got used to all
Then the ADA passed and it changed every call.
Before I was forced to hire folks from all nations
But now I am told to make accommodations!
Who understands all that the new law demands?
You must hire consultants! Put more...
If your wife and a lawyer were both drowning and you had to choose...
Would you go to lunch or to a movie?