Carpenter Jokes / Recent Jokes
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.
“Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates? ” he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.
“I was a good father, ” he answers.
“Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance. ”
St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.
The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.
But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.
At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, “Come on, Penny, let? s get out of here. ”
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer- contractor of his plans to leave the house- building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.
The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.
When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter.
This is your house, he said, my gift to you.
The carpenter was shocked! What a shame!
If he had only known he was building his own, he would have done it all so differently.
We do the most of the things having such thoughts in our mind. But we more...
A student at the University of Texas said they had Liz Carpenter, LBJ's press secretary, as a guest lecturer for her media writing class. One of the students asked her if there was someone the 82 year old Carpenter wanted to meet but hadn't yet.She replied, “Jesus,” paused for a moment and then said, “But I'm not in any hurry.”
These three friends, a Dentist, a Carpenter, and an Electrician were sitting around trying to decide what prank to pull on a mutual friend. Their friend was getting married soon, and his good buddies just felt compelled to play some prank, as all good buddies would. After sitting around brainstorming for a while, the Electrician had a thought, "I know! I know! I can wire the bed so that when our friend and his new bride sit on it and touch one another, they'll get a good shock." The Carpenter perked up and added, "and I can rig the bed so that when they get shocked and jump apart, the bed will collapse." The Dentist just sat in silence, because he couldn't think of a thing to do. After the fortunate couple's wedding and honeymoon, the groom called his friends together for a chat. He said to them, "Well, when we sat on the bed and got a shock, it wasn't that bad. And then when we jumped apart and the bed fell in, we had a good laugh. But who's bright idea was more...
A Polak went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box thatis two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?" "Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose, but whatwould you want a box like that for?" "Well, you see," said the Polak, "my neighbor moved away and forgotsome things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."
Saint Peter had a terrible cold and fever and didn't think he would last the day minding the Pearly Gates of Heaven. So he phoned Jesus to ask for the day off. "Why, Peter," Jesus said. "You know your health is my first
concern. Take as much time as you need."As Jesus pondered who he might use to replace Peter, he decided to handle the job himself. It was a very slow day and no one approached the Gates until late in the afternoon, when in the distance, Jesus saw a bent, white-haired old man slowly making his way up the path with the aid of a gnarled cane. As the man neared, Jesus said, "Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?""Well," replied the man, "I was hoping to enter the Gates of Heaven.""We would certainly love to have you," said Jesus, "but we do have certain rules as to who can enter Heaven. Tell me, what have you done to deserve such an honor?""Actually, I have done nothing so wonderful more...