Buying Jokes / Recent Jokes

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did...
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?" Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a more...

A New Russian is buying "Mersedes" of the 600 series. Before giving him keys and documentation a salesman asks: "Excuse me, Sir, a week ago You bought here a car just like this one. Is anything wrong with it?"
A New Russian thinks a wile trying to remember, then replies: "Oh, no, that's a perfect machine but the ashtray's been filled."

Christopher asked Sally the blonde girl why are you buying curtains??? Sally replied they are for my computer.Then Christopher asked why are you buying them for your computer??? SAally replied because my computer is windows xp so i am getting xp curtains for it!!!

After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival. Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem. First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: "Did you check to see whether the power was on?" "Of course." DED: "Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?" "Of course." DED: Then why are you calling me?" "Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty," pleaded the frustrated purchaser. "Of course there is," replied the DED, "But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover." There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

Sam, from the garment center in New York, went to Miami Beach for a winter vacation. While walking down Collins Avenue, he was approached by a luscious blonde, who whispered into his ear, "I'm selling - are you buying?" Sam said, "Sure, I'm buying." So they went to a hotel room and made love all night. 0 A week or so later, when Sam went back to New York, he came down with syphilis. After weeks and weeks of painful treatment, Sam was released by the hospital. As he was walking along Fifth Avenue, the same blonde came over to him and whispered, "I'm selling, mister - are you buying?" Sam looked her straight in the eye and asked, "So what are you selling now, cancer?"

What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock?
In the first case, you help finance the local community swimming pool
In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters' home pool.

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive. Imagine if they did...

HelpLine: General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?

Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!

HelpLine: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?

Customer: What's an ignition?

HelpLine: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.

Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?

HelpLine: General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?

Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!

HelpLine: Is the gas tank empty?

Customer: Huh? How do I know?

HelpLine: There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from' E' to' F'. Where is the needle pointing?

Customer: It's pointing to' more...