Boston Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Two boys were playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping the attach.
    A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..." he starts writing in his notebook. "But, I'm not a Bruins Fan", the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were", said the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack..." he continues to write in his notebook. "I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said. "I assumed everyone in Boston was either a Bruins or Red Sox fan. So, what team do you root for? the reporter asked. "I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in more...

    Boston Globe sports writer Ron Borges was suspended two months for plagiarizing. I'm hoping that no news organizations already used that same sentence.

    BROWN: Hey kids! Is half of your head shaved? Do you have a nose ring? Are you terribly progressive and do you have a lot of empathy? Are you sick and tired of silly things like grades and majors? COME TO BROWN!
    COLUMBIA: Hey kids! Do you like Harlem? Do you like commuters? Are you planning on transferring to another Ivy school after your freshman year? COME TO COLUMBIA!
    HARVARD: Hey kids! Do you hate teachers? I mean really hate them? Do you never want to have another teacher again? And what about a social life? Do you hate that too? COME TO HARVARD!
    PRINCETON: Hey kids! Do you have any idea what an eating club is? Are you pompous? Can you learn to be? Are you the smartest person you know? How many clubs were you in high school? Have you always dreamed of living in the great state of New Jersey? COME TO PRINCETON!
    PENN: Hey kids! Did you like high school a lot? How about four more years of the same? Are you dying to visit scenic West Philadelphia? Does the concept of more...

    David Wells was traded Thursday from the Boston Red Sox to the Padres, who believe the free-spirited lefty will provide the lift they need as they contend for a postseason berth.
    Minutes after the trade announcement, several Boston area Dunkin Donuts flew their flags at half-staff to mourn the loss of their all time best customer.

    Also mourning the Wells trade...
    Every biker bar, rib joint, strip club, and asian fetish whorehouse in New England.

    This joke was told at a colloquium here by Dr. Steve Pinker of MIT. He
    said it was an old Boston joke, so maybe you've heard it before.
    This woman lands at Logan Airport in Boston. She gets her luggage and
    jumps into a cab. She tells the cabbie, "Take me to a place where I can
    get scrod."
    The cabbie turns around and says, "That's the first time I've heard that
    said in the pluperfect subjunctive."

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