Body Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Newfoundlander sitting in
a bar having a few drinks together.
The Englishman says to the Frenchman, "So tell me, what do you do to drive your
wife wild?"
"Well," says the Frenchman, "After making love, I go out to the garden and
pick some roses. Then I take the petals off and put them all over her body.
then I gently blow them off with a soft, even breath, and that drives her wild."
Then the Frenchman says, "And what do you do to drive your wife wild?"
To which the Englishman replies, "After making love, I get some baby oil and
massage it gently all over her body, and that drives her wild!"
Then the pair turn to the Newfoundlander and ask him what he does.
"Naawww you don't want to know what I do" he says.
So they buy him a few more drinks and he loosens up a bit more, and again, they
ask him what he does.
"Well..," more...

A family at Changanachery (Kerala) was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from Dubai. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed into the coffin, with no space left in it! When they opened the lid they found a letter on top which read as follows:
Dear brothers and sisters,
I am sending our mother's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be buried in the parelpally cemetry. Sorry, I could not come along because nurses salary is going to increase from next month so I doubt whether I will get in case I am not here. You will find inside the coffin, under Amma's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of chocolates and 4 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On the sides of her head there is a tin of Nido and Tang. On Amma's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoe (size 10) for Biju.
Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Lijju's and Ammani's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Amma is wearing 6 more...

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''

Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer.The nervous systems hasmany thousands of electrical connections.''

The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building when a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!"

Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound.

Little Francine watched her father take a shower. She noticed his
testicles and asked him what they were. "Those are my apples," he
replied.
Later the little girl told her mother what Daddy had said. Her
mother smirked, "Did Daddy tell you about the dead limb they're
hanging on?"


The mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably
long penis. He called in his receptionists to show her. She took one
look and said, "That's just like my Harry's."
"You mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.
"No," she replied. "That dead."


One morning a milkman called on one of his regular customers and
was surprised to see a white bedsheet with a hole in the middle
hanging up in her living room. The housewife explained that she'd had
a party the night before in which the company played "Who's Whose" -
each of more...

The Italian chap says, "My wife, I rubbed her all over with fine olive oil, then we made wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes."
The Frenchman says, "I smoothed sweet butter on my wife's body, then weengaged in passionate lovemaking. She screamed for 20 minutes."
The Canadian fellow says, "I covered my wife's body with chicken fat. We made love and she screamed nonstop for six hours."
"Six hours? How did you make her scream for six hours?" they asked in unison.
"Actually," he replied, "it was easier than you might think. I wiped my hands clean on the drapes."

A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams. He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing, "On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again... " The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse. "Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again. "On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again..." "So what?", the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery. "But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student. more...