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15 Signs You Forgot Secretaries Day
Phone messages delivered on end of spear.

Your important dictation somehow seems to blah blah blah I am a slave-driving cheapskate.

A copy of the latest bestseller "So, Your Head's Up Your Ass, Now What?" appears on your desk.

When did FTD start doing an "Up Yours" Bouquet?

First, a message that Cindy Crawford is on line 2, followed a few seconds later by Satanic laughter.

It's not so much the cold coffee, it's the staples at the bottom of the cup.

Your big business dinner at the Four Seasons Restaurant in Manhattan is rescheduled for Big Jeb's 24-Hour Truck Stop outside of Newark, New Jersey.

Nude picture of Marlon Brando pops up in your Powerpoint presentation.

Supposedly shredded Whitewater documents turn up in the Washington Post cafeteria.

Now answers the phone, "Smith, Jones and Tighta**."

That more...

A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!
Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete - how much steel! No, think of another wish."
The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care more...

Boredom should NEVER be an symptom in your life. All you need to do is read this list and Rock-N-Roll!
WARNING: Some of these may result in people chasing you. Always wear tennis shows and have your escape route planned out: )

1: Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think!"

2: Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets.
(This one is especially useful if you're having a yard sale!)

3: Ask people what gender they are. When they reply, ask - "are you sure?"
(Not recommended at Biker Bars)

4: Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and repeatedly saying "blah, blah, blah, blah".

5: Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
(Works even better if your rent a cop uniform.)

6: Go to your local mall. Walk up to strangers and say: "Do you hear more...

97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.He says "Doc, I think I'm impotent." Doctor sits himdown and begins the standard speech he gives to seniorcitizens, about how as the body ages bodily functionsslow down and it is completely normal to suffer somedecrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worryor become upset about it, but should just relax andthings will probably be completely fine andblah blah blah. Finally the doctor asks "Whendid you first begin to think you were impotent?""Three times last night, and again this morning."

97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed. He says "Doc, I think I'm impotent." Doctor sits himdown and begins the standard speech he gives to seniorcitizens, about how as the body ages bodily functionsslow down and it is completely normal to suffer somedecrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worryor become upset about it, but should just relax andthings will probably be completely fine andblah blah blah. Finally the doctor asks "Whendid you first begin to think you were impotent?""Three times last night, and again this morning."

Sherlock Holmes Was Sleeping In A Tent In A Forest Alongwith His Assistant Watson When He Woke Up And Saw Something Right Over His Head. So, He Shrugged Watson And Asked Him Whether He Noticed Anything.
Watson: "I See A Lot Of Stars Up There And Galaxies And. ....... Blah Blah!"
Holmes:".. And Nothing Else!"
Watson:"Naa!" Holmes:"You Moron! Our Tent Is Missing"

Boredom should NEVER be an symptom in your life. All you need to do is read this list and Rock-N-Roll!
WARNING: Some of these may result in people chasing you. Always wear tennis shows and have your escape route planned out :)
1: Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think!"
2: Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets.
(This one is especially useful if you're having a yard sale!)
3: Ask people what gender they are. When they reply, ask - "are you sure?"
(Not recommended at Biker Bars)
4: Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and repeatedly saying "blah, blah, blah, blah".
5: Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
(Works even better if your rent a cop uniform.)
6: Go to your local mall. Walk up to strangers and say: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's more...