Bartender Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.3 - I am a 6 feet tall, 180-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler."Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah... Not if I am gonna have to explain it five times."

There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before. The man leaves. He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer. The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar. He leaves. He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him. "I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer! Get out of my bar!" Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds. "That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer. "If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive. The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to. "Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog." "Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

Well, a stranger walks into a Nova Scotia bar and says to the bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a great Newfie joke?"
The bartender snarls, stands up straight exposing his arms he uses for bouncing obstreperous customers and says, "Wait a minute. I'm a Newfie."
"And see that fellow over there by the jukebox with the chains? He works down at the ways and drags the boats up by hand. He's a Newfie."
"And that guy in the leather jacket with him, he repairs boat engines and he's a Newfie too. Now, do you still want to tell a Newfie joke?"
The visitor looks around at the other men and shakes his head, "Naw, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bullseye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.
The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bullseye! Downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go...Two bulls eyes!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go with the last dart.
Three bulls eyes!!!
All are astounded. No one has ever won. The bartender searches for a prize... grabs a turtle from the bar's terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.
Three weeks pass... The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again. To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.
The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesn't know what to give, and he asks the drunk " Say, more...

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks, "This guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender, "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed, the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction.
But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.
He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says: "Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.
"That tastes more...

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.The patron takes a sip...same reaction.But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:"Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out."That tastes like pee!," he shoots back at the drunk.The drunk more...