Awaiting Jokes

A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane. She had just come back from a far away land trying to find adventure.
As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband.
The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I said for you to marry a Rich Doctor! A RICH Doctor!"

While she was awaiting for the members of her bridge club to arrive, Mrs. Finster accidentally loosed a whopper of a fort. The scent was unmistakable, and, fishing out a can of air freshener, she hurriedly sprayed the room.
Mrs. Jackson arrived minutes later and, sniffing the air as she walked in the front door, she candidly announced, "Christ, Lizzie! It smells like someone shit in a pine treef"