Aspirin Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."

    "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

    "Really? Great! Show me!"

    So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

    "Well," said the interviewer, more...

    A flight attendant friend of mine and her boyfriend had been playing a little
    game, where they would hide condoms in each other's pockets, briefcases,
    lunches etc., to have them revealed at unexpected times.
    One morning, shortly after taking off on a 3 hour flight, the flight
    attendant was asked for aspirin, by a man with a headache. Recalling the
    packet of aspirin she usually kept in her left pocket, she took it out,
    placed it on the man's fold out table, and turned to pour him a glass of water.
    When she turned around again, the man was staring, mouth open, at the
    packet before him. He managed to stammer "Sorry Miss, I really DO have a
    headache." On discovering her mistake, she turned several shades of red,
    and scurried off to hide in the crew cabin.
    Eventually, she had to resume her duties, and on each pass down the aisle,
    she got a wink and a smile from the man with the headache.

    When his wife's snoring woke him for the third straight night, Harry went to the bathroom medicine cabinet, got some aspirin and popped two tablets into her gaping mouth.
    'Awk, glub!' choked his startled wife. 'What the...'
    'It's okay, honey. I gave you some aspirin,' he explained.
    'Why? I don't have a headache!'
    'Great!' said Harry, triumphantly. 'Let's Make Love!'

    A relative heard this on C-Span the night of President Clinton's economic
    Chelsea wasn't feeling well at her private school. She went to the infirmary
    to get some aspirin. The nurse discovered that nobody had ever signed
    a parental consent form to authorize the school to dispense medicine to
    the First Kid.
    The nurse told Chelsea that they needed to contact one of her parents for
    permission to give her aspirin. Chelsea told her, "Oh, please call Daddy.
    Mom's far too busy."

    ( This joke has been told by many deaf people and has been recorded in
    a few books on deaf culture. The interpretation of this joke is mine,
    though. )
    A deaf couple checks into a motel very late at night. Upon moving into
    their assigned room, they go to bed. But in the middle of the night, the
    woman has a headache, so she goes into the bathroom for aspirin. But she
    finds none, and remembers that the bottle of aspirin is still in the car.
    Afraid to go out alone at night, she awakens her husband and asks him to
    go get the aspirin from the car. The very groggy husband puts on his robe
    and toddles wearily outside. He finds the bottle of the aspirin in the car's
    glove compartment, and gets ready to go back to the room when he realizes
    something: he can't remember which room was his!
    He thinks and thinks and then gets an idea. He opens the car again and
    honks the steering wheel horn several times. Within a minute, all more...

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