"Stressed" joke

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid bastard!!!

During sex last night, my partner whispered in my ear, "Pretend you're my dad."
I was furious.
"You are one sick-minded girl, what a disgusting thing to ask me."
I stormed out of the bedroom and slammed the door.
I mean, you don't expect shit more...

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

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A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands more...

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Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!

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What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.

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