"Polak Joins Baseball Team" joke
A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance.
"I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team."
"Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly.
The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"
Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with 'T'?"
The Polak said, "Two!"
"Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?"
"Today and Tomorrow!"
"Hmm... OK," said the coach.
"How many seconds are there in a year?"
"Twelve!"
"Twelve? How did you come up with twelve?" The coach was perplexed.
"Well," said the Polak, "there's the second of January, the second of February, the second of..."
"Um.. OK," broke in the coach.
"How many d's in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"
"Oh, that is easy!" laughed the Polak. "Three hundred and sixty-five!"
"WHAT?" cried the coach. "How did you get that figure?"
To which the Polak sang, "dee dee dee-dee-dee dee-dee...."
A Polak is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.
The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggrevation and get the more...
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, more...
A 12-year-old boy comes up to the Polak and says, "I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw your wife giving you a blow job. Nyah, nyah, nyah."The Polak answers, "The joke's on you, Johnny. Nyah, nyah, nyah-I wasn't even home last night!"
A Polak went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box that
is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?"
"Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose, but what
would you want a box like that more...