"Baby Owner's Manual" joke

Stay clear of the ejection port(s) both front and rear.
Beware of objects thrown from unit, both solid and liquid.
Please carry unit with care as handle placement is not optimum.
Use caution when dispensing fluids not to spill them on sensitive components of unit.
Do not drop unit as this may cause damage.
Do not submerge unit for extended periods of time.
Do not leave unit submerged while unattended as this may harm the unit.
Do not leave unit unattended in public places.
Do not expose unit to extreme temperatures.
Make sure to use proper approved restraints when transporting unit in a vehicle, i.e. no duct tape or string.
Make sure to fuel unit through proper opening.
Multiple units operating in close proximity may be hazardous to your health and mental well being.
Unit is delivered "as is" and may not be returned or exchanged. No warranty should be implied.
Software upgrades may be administered throughout the life of the unit.
Hardware upgrades may be applied later in the life of the unit, but are discouraged.
When unit malfunctions, a hard reboot may be performed by applying moderate force to the units rear panel. This will disrupt the unit's improper behavior but will not cause permanent harm to the unit. This may actually extend the life of the unit and ensure unit behaves as desired in later years. This practice should be performed as often as unit malfunctions.
Unit may later exhibit desire to permanently mark or drill its case. This should be discouraged by the operator.
Unit may require periodic maintenance. The use of lubricants, disinfectants, powders, and other consumable supplies is encouraged to keep unit functioning.
Unit may suffer an air build up after fueling. To expel this air, gentle taps should be applied to unit's upper rear case until all air is expelled. Continuing to tap after expulsion of trapped air may result in sudden fuel expulsion.
Unit will periodically expel byproducts. As much as operator may wish to discuss the properties of these byproducts with others, the practice is discouraged.
Those desiring orders of multiple units should seek the care of a certified mental health professional.

A couple in Lawrence, MA were charged with criminal neglect after they left their dog unattended in the car in 90 degree heat.
But the dog wasn't really alone. Heidi Dreher and Kenneth Reader also left their two children, aged 4 and 5, in the car for at least half an hour more...


A dumb list for dumb laws:
1. Children may not purchase cigarettes, but can smoke them.
2. You may never leave your car keys in an unattended vehicle.
3. It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your more...

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