Worry Jokes / Recent Jokes
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry. .. we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry. .. we still have one engine left."
A young child passenger turned to his mother in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a highly agitated, arrogant little man who ran a small business that he had started from scratch." I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "How's that?" the would be accountant asked." I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the accountant said. "And how much will my position pay?" "I'll start you at eighty five thousand," responded the owner decisively." Eighty five thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry. Now get to fuckin' work!"
A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry." Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry!!!"
The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need help." she said.
The husband ran off saying "I'll go get some help." A little while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green.
His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I'm may be dying and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he come and help."
"The second hole??? When in the hell is he coming???"
"Hey! I told ya not to worry." he said, practice stroking his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."
Two Antartians were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announces, "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry, we have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later, the Captain announces, "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry, we have two engines left."
An hour later, the Captain announces, "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry, we have one engine left."
One Antartian looked at the other and said, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need help!" she said. The husband ran off saying, "I'll go get some help." A little while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green. His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I'm may be dying and you're putting?!?" "Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he come and help." "The second hole? When in the hell is he coming?" she gasped in pain. "Hey! I told you not to worry," he said, as he practiced stroking his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."