Visiting Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

An important official who was visiting an insane asylum made a telephone call but had difficulty getting his number. Finally, in exasperation, he shouted to the operator, "Look here, miss, do you know who I am?" "No," she replied calmly, "but I now where you are."

This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn't read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock. The man says, "Madam, I don't repair clocks. I am a Mohel. I do circumcisions." She says, "Why all the clocks in the window?" And he says, "And what should I have in my window?"

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer."It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!" said the boy."Oh, shit!" said the farmer. "You've shot the wife!"

A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!" "OK," the man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the back."

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said' Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

A young man who had just recently joined the Marines had lost his rifle on the day before a big inspection by a visiting general. However, being very adept at woodcarving, he set about making a replacement. The paint had just dried when it was time for the inspection. He prayed that his fake would not be inspected too closely.
When his platoon was told to fire in unison, he made all the right motions and figured no one would notice, but the visiting general happened to be looking right at him and saw that no smoke came from the gun.
The general came over and said, "Soldier, you didn't fire your gun. This is an official inspection. You were to fire the gun and then dismantle it for my personal inspection."
The young man was horror stricken but only for a moment and then he replied, "Sir, today is the anniversary of the day that my father died. On his deathbed, he made me promise never to fire a gun on this day. I have kept that oath and I can not fire the more...