Vanity Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.

    Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."
    Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat." Vanity answered. Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me go with you." "Oh.... Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but more...

    Kneeling in the confessional, the girl said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
    "What is it, child?" the priest asked.
    "I have committed the sin of vanity, Father," she replied. "Numerous times a day, I gaze upon myself in the mirror and tell myself how gorgeous I am."
    The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "I have good news for you, my child. That isn't a sin... it's merely a mistake."

    Michigan's Secretary of State is under fire for recalling a "vanity" auto license plate that was deemed offensive.
    The plate reads "4 RU486", a reference to the "French" abortion-inducing drug. Critics of the action point out that other vanity plates which could be considered offensive, such as CAL-GIRL, GSPOT, HORNY, HUMP, I124Q, JUGS and NADS, have not been recalled.
    Then there's Theresa Watt; she's had her name on her plate for 20 years: TWATT.
    A state spokeswoman said that 4 RU486 was recalled under the "illegal activity or substance" portion of the license plate law, but the critics retort that neither RU486 nor abortion is illegal. (AP)
    ... Nor is it illegal to be horny, to have a G-spot.

    Alice and Monica were having a rare heart-to-heart talk.

    "What do you consider your worst vice," Alice asked.

    "I don't like to admit it," Monica said, "but my worst vice is vanity.

    Sometimes I sit in front of the mirror and just admire my face."

    "I wouldn't worry about it," said Alice. "That's not vanity. That's imagination."

    "Vanity Fair Magazine" is canceling its annual Oscars party. They explained that having Tommy Lee Jones hanging around the other stars didn't fit their definitions of either "vanity" or "fair".

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