Thermometer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A big-shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.
None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. more...

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this....
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock you doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in you favorite chair, open the package and remove the thermometer.
Then, carefully place it on a table or a flat surface, so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins- Take ou the literature and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement.
"Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested"
Finally, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times.
"I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson."

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to' write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste.

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just
like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have
anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but
finally even she had had enough. She came into his room and
announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,
crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't
use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled
over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the
thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you
stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He more...

Q: What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?
A: The taste!

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but finally even she had had enough. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking more...